Month three. A point in time that seemed so far away for so long was finally here. It arrived quickly and silently and before I knew it the holidays had passed and 2017 was coming to an end and 2018 was beginning. New beginnings- there were so many surrounding me in the months leading up to this one but this month was going to be preparation for maybe the biggest new beginning of all. Life after this transformative experience in my new home. Transformative- causing a marked change in someone or something. I was changed. And just as quickly as it all began it was officially my third and final month at Hilton Head Health.
HAPPY NEW YEAR - So, what's your New Year's resolution? This question and tradition is engrained in our culture year after year lists of goals and things we're going to get right this year. Until we don't. And what is right anyway? Should, shouldn't, better than we were last year, than we are currently. I love New Year's and new beginnings but there is a lot of pressure on a moment at midnight and a fresh slate for the year ahead. By the beginning of February I've forgotten half of the things I wrote down and the rest I'm doing because I should not even because I want to. And when I stop doing the things there is shame and sabotage and so much disappointment - in myself. That is why this year I decided in this new season I was in entering in this new year I resolved to not make resolutions. I wanted to be kind to myself just as I was and celebrate all of the things I did this last year and was currently doing. It was a lot. And I never wanted to forget it. I love goals but sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in them and have our eyes on where we're hoping to go that it's easy to miss all the progress in the present.
I woke up one morning. It was a normal day like any other but I felt IT. It was that feeling that everything I was doing here felt like second nature. It wasn't something I had to do or felt like I should do but I knew I would do and could do. I KNEW this would be a part of my life moving forward. I had hoped it would be before this but today, I FELT IT. That health and wellness was important to me. Self care, strength and loving my body no matter where it is on this journey. Forgetting the story I had told myself all these years about what my body can do. Unlearning what society has taught me about beauty. Sharing it and celebrating it. Every step of the way. This ordinary day on this regular week ended up being extraordinary because I knew I could.
This was the week I wanted to soak it all in. Seeing the end in sight and holding on to the feeling I had being right where I was. It was the week I started counting my "lasts" around campus but I knew they were all just beginnings. I remember being in a hip hop dance class with one of my favorite instructors Ashley and after class I hung around like I normally did but this time both of us told the other how much the experience has meant. How much we would miss each other. But that we have one more class together. One more. In my heart I hoped so many more but I knew that no matter how many times I return there will never be anything as sweet as that first time of discovery and learning in that way of the unknown and uncertain. And I cherished every minute of it. Closed my eyes tightly hoping it would remain just a little longer.
A week I never thought would arrive or could arrive was here. In someways it flew by. It other ways it felt like the perfect pace of time. I remember before this even began I couldn't imagine how I would feel and who I would be on the other end of this experience. Three months felt like such a long amount of time but in my whole life it's just a flash in the pan. That is the most beautiful part of it all. I went into this unsure but wide open and came out so certain and cracked open even wider than I ever thought possible. I was hopeful. I was ready. The last three months lead me to this moment and everything ahead of me was possible. I wasn't scared but inspired and excited to go live this new life. And I knew I would be back soon. That's the thing with those places and people that us. They remain with us forever no matter where we go. I knew this was just a chapter in my story and that it was just getting good.
Here's to surprising ourselves. To wanting more for ourselves and going out and taking the time to do the things we never knew we could do. We deserve them. Here's to health AND happiness ahead. Here's to just getting started.
A new kind of healthy,